Baby Brain

In our area, it is a right of passage to carry around a 10 lb sack of flour in seventh grade (12/13-year-old) health class. I assume it’s to convince our younglings that having kids is not all fun and giggles and that they want to wait a long, long time before having their own spawn. I have been told personally that the big, dark circles under my eyes, my don’t-remember-the-last-time-I-washed-it hair, and my propensity for wearing stained sweats as legitimate pants is the most effective birth control on the market. Same premise. So for the rest of the week, I am the proud grandparent of a 10 lb sack of flour.

Last week the seventh graders were assigned babies and have to live as single parents, logging feeding, changing, naps, and baths for a grade. Now, when people tell you there is no difference between boys and girls, they’re lying. All the boys have their sacks of flour in a blanket and that’s as far as it goes. Why overcomplicate things?

All the girls? Their babies have heads and faces, clothes, blankets, diapers, bottles, and carriers or slings. Unfortunately for my daughter, I have been konmari’ing and have gotten rid of all my baby stuff. We luckily found a doll head in my craft stuff, a “bottle” in the toy kitchen, and she’s using her brother’s footie pj’s and baby blanket from his sentimental box. She’s a cloth-diapering mom because we were lucky enough to find a couple of safety pins and an unused pillowcase.

And she is taking her role as a mother seriously; so seriously, in fact, that today she spent the morning taking care of little Matthew and wore slippers to school instead of shoes. Mom-brain does not discriminate -and no gold star for me.

Sweetie takes the kids to school and about 10 minutes after they left, I got a call. “Ready to have your day ruined?” I closed my eyes and breathed in deep, preparing for the worst. “Beth forgot her shoes.”

I’m a firm believer in letting your kids suffer the consequences of their actions. I don’t bring homework they’ve left on the counter or let them sleep in because they refused to go to bed. And it’s not like I haven’t left the house in slippers because mom-brain. But they wear uniforms at school, and policy states that if your kid is out of uniform (like wearing slippers instead of shoes) you are required to come to the school and bring them an appropriate change of clothes. I had no choice.

Now, there is a reason Sweetie takes the kids to school and a reason he wasn’t exaggerating when he said my day would be ruined – and this is an important point. Timmy’s mortal enemy is his car seat. I’m pretty sure he thinks it’s the Kraken because on most days it takes me 45 minutes to strap him in. This is especially true in the mornings. So I grabbed Beth’s shoes and prepared myself for the long battle ahead – only to my surprise, he got into his car seat without fuss.

But, oh, guess what?  I forgot his shoes. Also? I didn’t notice yesterday, but I was almost out of gas. So we coasted into the gas station the long-way home. Also? I needed $30 cash but the ATM only has 20’s and so I had to go to McDonalds and buy a chocolate milk to break it. Why? Mom-brain does not discriminate.

Happy Valentine’s  Day

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